To mom or not to mom? That is the question

To mom or not to mom?

It’s not a secret that some women just don’t have that “mom” gene in them.

But how did we move from Hamlet’s simple “to be or not to be” to every modern woman not so simple “to be a mom or not to be a mom”?


With a child free movement becoming more and more popular and women getting more and more like men, the question is sharper than ever. 

Being raised in era, when kids were a must, some of my age-mates created families simply out of obligation. Which led to somewhat unhappy life or even a crash one way or another. 


But today, it’s totally acceptable not to have kids. It’s normal. 

And it’s, actually, great. 

Or, is it?

I’ve got an amazing friend. She is talented, beautiful, married to love of her life. She is not ready to have kids. And recently she said that she probably will never be. 

It made me wonder. I couldn’t help but ask myself: 

Was I ever ready?

Is anyone ever ready?

How do you decide that you are even motherly enough to have kids at all?

I always thought that I want a child. But have never pictured myself raising one. Yet here I am. A little bit too caring and a tiny bit uptight stay at home mom. Stay at home mom! You follow?

How did that happen? Where was that point of decision making?

Too much questions for one article, huh?

But that’s just it. I don’t think I have any answers. 

They don’t teach us how to decide. How to find that mother gene in us. 

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My friend, the talented one, is totally consumed with her creative job. She gives it all to her creations. All her love, all her care, all her energy. That’s why she is that fabulous. That’s why she has no time to consider becoming a mother.

Or, may be she is just not made to be a mother? 

One day may be I will get to the point. But today, there are only questions.

The thing that concerns me here is:

Why do we feel the urge to pity childless women? Why do they feel the urge to pity us?

Well, to tell you the truth, sometimes I pity myself. Especially when I acknowledge that there is a world without constantly dirty house and a date night that is possible without an intense pre-planning, which involves third party baby sitter.


Main photo credit Sweet Ice Cream Photography

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