Ten Reasons I’m a Bad Parent
1. I yell. But to be honest, 100% of the time it is completely necessary. Like when I don’t feel like repeating myself 7,548 more times for someone to pick up his socks off the living room floor.
2. When I yell, I also sometimes swear. Because I have to f*ing ask 7,548 times for someone to pick his socks up from the living room floor.
3. I use the TV as a babysitter. Paw patrol, Scooby-Doo, and Mickey Mouse all teach valuable lessons. Like how to sit still and stay quiet while Mumma takes ten minutes to finally take a shower every three or so days.
4. Sometimes we have leftovers.. for three straight nights. This means I only “cook” twice a week. And I’m totally cool with that if the kid will continue to eat whatever I put in front of him. He’s happy and it’s easy. I kind of call this a #parentingwin.
5. I sometimes lie to get out of play dates. There are just some parents that I cannot create conversation with for more than just a “Hi” at morning drop off. Let’s be honest with each other, we wouldn’t get along. Also, you don’t drink wine at play dates and that’s just a deal breaker for me.
6. I lie to my kid, too. Because short small lies are much easier to deal with then the deep complex questions of a four year old. This is why my son goes around saying babies are made by a mumma and dada putting two Legos together in the mumma’s tummy, and the Legos build themselves into a kid. Right now, my son is in his room trying to build a brother.
7. I use the line “when daddy gets home” just so I don’t have to deal with certain things.
8. I cosleep with my four year old. We go to bed at the same time anyways. This one actually makes me more of a bad wife than a bad mother. However, I’m not so sure sleeping out on the new couch is something my husband would actually complain about.
9. After telling my son he can’t eat any cookies, I will hide in the fridge and eat at least three. Because I all of a sudden have a craving for them.
10. All of these things happen more often than I should admit. But if you ask my kid, he thinks I’m a great mom. “The best mom in the whole world!” So, actually, anyone else’s opinion really doesn’t matter. What we do, works for us. And at the end of the day, we’re all happy. Well, most of the time. But most of the time is much better than none of the time. So I guess these are ten reasons I’m more of a really cool, sometimes lazy, always sarcastic, and never sorry mum.