Every period of parenthood is tough. Even when they move out and go to college and you are supposed to rest. But I bet, that most parent will agree, that the hardest period of parenthood are growing-up years.
But fear not! There is a way! Actually there are at least a few ways)
Sometimes you need to know when to try and help your teenagers and when to let them help themselves. After all, they need to grow from the mistakes they make on their own. But you still need to know when to offer guidance or other help. There’s a balance involved.
Let them talk! Hear them up. If you can’t stand a face to face talk or you silly don’t know the right questions, try CareMail from Letz Talk. Pre-printed age appropriate cards that have questions on them to facilitate conversation.
Here is a main trick. Parenting teens doesn’t have to be a struggle.
Easy to say, right?
Here are a few tips, that will help you to relax and set your heart on success.
1. Don’t try to mold them into what you want
We often try to be a parent in a way we think is right rather than what’s right for our teenage kid. The fact is that as a parent, you need to realize and respect that your kid probably has her own dreams, and they probably don’t match up with yours. So the journey you want them to take and the journey that they’re going to go on is going to differ. It’s okay. Neither of you are failing if your child comes short of your over your immoderate expectations.
Accepting this opens a new door in your relationship. Your teen will become her own person and you’ll see them blossom. Acceptance will lead to comfort. Comfort will make your teenager feel safe with you.
We want to protect our kids from all sorts of pain. But eventually kids will get hurt anyway. You can’t always save them. There’s nothing wrong with you as a parent, accidents happen. Just really learn from them so you can properly deal with it.
Your teen needs to learn from mistakes made as well. So when you know they’re making a poor decision, it may be best to step aside and let the consequences teach your kid a lesson. Let them try and fail or do something stupid that leads them into trouble sometimes. They need to know how to cope with these things.
Offer guidance, wisdom, suggestions and recommendations. Just don’t take all the pain and punishment your kid deserves. You can’t keep them wrapped in bubble wrap.
It’s a parent’s job to help kids through these difficult times, but it’s not our job to bear all their burdens for them.
Don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t mean that if your kid is about to jump from the Empire State Building, you don’t have to stop her/him. It only means, that every insignificant poor decision that is prevented by you, might lead to even more bad decision with more significant consequences.
3. Let go
As kids, they grow up eventually rebelling. It’s natural, you have to accept it and let go of personal emotional responses. Again, you can give them advice or lecture when appropriate, but they need to see the actual consequences.
You’re teaching your kids to be able to move away from you and live independently, and the world is a scary place if they can’t cope with things.